Lived experience
Signs We Miss
A Survivor's Guide to Building Abuse-Aware Workplaces
Andrew explores how abuse unfolds, why victims stay silent, and how colleagues and organisations can respond with confidence – drawing on his lived experience as a domestic abuse survivor and TEDx speaker.
Why this talk
As a lived-experience survivor of domestic abuse, TEDx speaker and CPD accredited trainer, I will draw on my story, as well as wider research, to develop your understanding of how domestic abuse unfolds, the challenges in reaching out for help and how to best support the people you care about.
In plain words
Domestic abuse
Domestic abuse includes physical and sexual violence, emotional abuse, coercive and controlling behaviour, and economic abuse. Men, women and people from all age groups, ethnicities and cultures are among both its victims and its perpetrators.
Watch Andrew
Hear it from the stage
Filmed at Andrew's men's mental health talk, November 2025.
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The Facts
- Domestic abuse (which includes physical and sexual violence, emotional abuse, coercive and controlling behaviour and economic abuse) will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6–7 men, during their lifetime.
- There are over 2 million reported cases of domestic abuse each year in the UK alone, with men, women and people from all age groups, ethnicities and cultures, included both as perpetrators and victims.
- Domestic abuse is a key driver in fuelling the suicide numbers for men and women.
- The annual social and economic costs of domestic abuse have been estimated to reach as much as £66 billion a year in the UK alone.
What this session covers
The agenda, point by point
Everything your audience will move through – so you can judge the fit before you book.
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How people from all walks of life get embroiled in abusive relationships.
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What life is like, day-to-day, for people caught in abusive relationships, from the impact on employment performance, to wider family relationships, their self confidence and decision making.
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Why people stay in abusive relationships and become their abuser's greatest defender and excuse maker.
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Why victims are often reluctant to admit that they're the victim of domestic abuse and how to reach out to someone you might be worried about.
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The reality of gaslighting: what it is and how it manifests itself in abusive relationships.
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Life after abuse: from personal safety to parental alienation and the family courts. Why the rebuilding process is time consuming and complex.
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The red flags of abusive relationships: what you should look out for when forming new relationships and how to take action early if necessary.
Go deeper
From the podcast and Insights
- Episode 31 Men and Surviving Domestic Abuse Rob Wells is a former Military Police officer and security professional as well as a published author, international speaker and writer.
- Episode 5 Men, Domestic Abuse and Changing the Narrative Mark Brooks OBE has been campaigning in the field of men and boys’ health, wellbeing and inclusion for twenty years.
- Episode 51 Why acrimonious parental separation is bad for the kids and how to prevent it James is the founder of the Positive Parenting Alliance and creator of the Parents Promise.
- Article Why the family courts is a key part of addressing men's mental health Family courts are an emotional pressure cooker, and employers serious about men's mental health need to talk about them – four action points.
- Article Why my man code kept me silently stuck in domestic abuse (and how I changed it) My unwritten rules about being a man kept me stuck in domestic abuse – how I rewrote them into a broader, lighter man code.
What your people leave with
Concrete outcomes, not vague good feelings
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Understand how people from all backgrounds become caught in abusive relationships
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Recognise the day-to-day reality of abuse and its impact on work, family and self-confidence
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Know why victims stay and become their abuser's defenders
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Learn how to reach out to someone you're worried about without making things worse
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Understand gaslighting – what it is and how it presents
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Know the red flags to look for in new relationships and when to act early
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Appreciate why recovery from abuse is complex and long-term
Watch
Andrew’s TEDx talk: Domestic abuse – not a gender issue
Who it's for
HR teams, managers, safeguarding leads, employee wellbeing leads and anyone who wants to build a more abuse-aware and supportive workplace culture.
If you need support now
This talk draws on lived experience and is educational – it is not medical or therapeutic advice. If you or someone you know needs support now:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 .
- Samaritans 116 123 .
Mental Health & Resilience Keynote Speaker
Andrew speaks from lived experience – warm, honest and human, with the experience to back it up.
Andrew Pain is a TEDx speaker with 25 years’ HR experience, and his credentials include CPD-accredited keynote programmes; Member, International Coaching Federation; and Campaigner of the Year 2023, Men and Boys Coalition.
- TEDx speaker .
- Host of the Men on Show podcast (60 episodes) .
- Author of the book Honestly, Man .
- Member, International Coaching Federation .
Formats & logistics
Shaped to fit your event.
Andrew tailors every talk to your audience, theme and time slot. Here's how the practical side usually works – tell him the room and he'll shape the rest.
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Talk length
Keynotes usually run 45 minutes to an hour, sometimes 90. Around two hours it becomes a workshop; longer than that is rare.
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Audience size
From an intimate group of 8–12 to a main-stage audience of 200–250. Interactive workshops usually sit around 40–70.
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AV & tech
Andrew works with whatever setup you have. And if the tech fails, the show still goes on – he'll present without slides.
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In-person or virtual
Delivered on-site or online, on the platform you already use – most often Teams or Zoom.
“I can't recommend Andrew highly enough. What stood out most was Andrew's ability to handle such sensitive and complex issues with both clarity and compassion. His delivery was engaging and grounded in lived experience, which made the content resonate powerfully with the team.”
Elizabeth Wanjiru
Director, Parent-Help
Before you book
Frequently asked
What is Signs We Miss about?
How domestic abuse unfolds, why victims stay silent, and how colleagues and organisations can respond with confidence.
Does Andrew speak from lived experience?
Yes. Andrew is a lived-experience survivor of domestic abuse, a TEDx speaker and a CPD accredited trainer. The talk draws on his story as well as wider research.
Who is Signs We Miss for?
HR teams, managers, safeguarding leads, employee wellbeing leads and anyone who wants to build a more abuse-aware and supportive workplace culture.
Is this talk medical or therapeutic advice?
No. The talk draws on lived experience and is educational – it is not medical or therapeutic advice. If you or someone you know needs support now, the helplines are on this page.
Bring this to your organisation
Ready to talk it through?
Tell us about your event and audience – we'll come back with availability and how Signs We Miss could land for your people.