'These Men Do' - Louis Theroux's sequel to 'Inside the Manosphere'?

The fictional drama, Adolescence and Louis Theroux’s Inside the Manosphere, both aired on Netflix and created a global outcry about the state of boys, men and masculinity.

Social media feeds were rife with commentary about both pieces, the first a sensationalist fictional series with a hugely implausible plot, and the second, an equally sensationalist documentary on the darker sides of the manosphere. 

What created far less media noise however, was Gareth Southgate’s thoughtful and balanced documentary exploring the challenges faced by young boys in modern society. Aired on the BBC, ‘Changing The Game For Young Men’ was compassionate, balanced and and hopeful - so it didn’t surprise me that it generated less hype.

In fact, as a professional speaker, podcaster and author, leading in my work on men’s mental health, when I ask rooms of 150+ people whether they’ve seen Adolescence or Inside the Manosphere, most hands go up, there are plenty of nodding heads and a general sense that these programmes are important. But when I query about Southgate’s documentary, there’s generally a sea of blank faces - most people have neither seen nor heard of it.

The problem is that we have an empathy gap and a reluctance to celebrate men. I talk about both things in my book, ‘Honestly, Man’, published on August 6th, which explores the complex reasons why men are struggling and practically how we help. 

100% of profits made from each book sale, will be invested in charities/projects supporting men and boys

The Empathy Gap:

Research shows that we feel less sympathy towards struggling males, than females struggling with the same predicament. The empathy gap is no one’s fault. It’s not a conspiracy. It’s not a female to male thing - most of us are actually less sympathetic towards struggling males and there are varied reasons why (all explored in my book - Honestly, Man: Why masculinity feels confusing, shame doesn’t help and what to do about it : Andrew Pain: Amazon.co.uk: - if you haven’t yet bought it - do check it out - every copy sold supports men and boys work) 

The Reluctance To Celebrate Men:

Negativity and righteous indignation sells, but positivity and balance do not, which is why we won’t be seeing a sequel from Louise Theroux called, ‘These Men Do’. And if we were minded to celebrate men, is that allowed? Will we offend anyone? Maybe we should qualify our celebration with something about male privilege?

Of course we want to close the equality gap for women and girls, of course we want to tackle violence against women and girls, and we can continue to strive for these things, whilst also unapologetically showcasing the stories of positive male role models. 

If we want some of the darker voices within the manosphere to have less influence over our boys, we need to beam light and positivity from inspirational male heroes into that digital void. So just in time for International Men’s Day on Nov 19th, these are just a few of the stories I cover in my book, Honestly, Man. Both men graced my podcast (Men On Show) as guest, and they blew me away when I interviewed them - their stories still impact me today:

Azim Khamisa - His son Tariq, was tragically murdered whilst delivering pizza. He was lured to a bogus address and killed by a 14 year-old boy (Tony) as part of a gang initiation process. Amidst the grief and horror, Azim forgave Tony, recognising that both boys were victims of American gun culture. Azim went on to mentor Tony, to eventually campaign for his release, to create a forgiveness project which went around the world (and with Tony’s Grandfather, he delivered the best TEDx talk you’ll ever see (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85hbMtegrLc&t=366s)

Male heroes? They do exist. They don’t generally wear capes and can be easily missed.

Ricky Nuttall  - One of the fire crew to tackle the tragic Grenfell Tower blaze. Ricky braved temperatures of 500+ degrees, making it up to the 15th floor, pushing his equipment to the limits, and his breathing apparatus to its end point, all of this with a 3 year old boy of his own. And amidst the charred remnants of the building when the fire was eventually extinguished, it fell to Ricky and his crew to recover the bodies of the people they’d been unable to rescue only a few nights before.

Male heroes? They do exist. They don’t generally wear capes and can be easily missed, often doing jobs which no one in their right mind would want to do, but which need to be done none the less.

My message in the build-up to International Men’s Day on Nov 19th:

• I want to live in a world where we’re proactive about celebrating the achievements of men and women.
• I want to live in a world where the darker voices of the manosphere fade into obscurity, not because they were fought and overcome, but because they became irrelevant to a generation of boys and young men who were inspired by better male role models.
• I want to live in a world where men and boys are encouraged to see their masculinity as a beautiful and powerful thing, where we’re encouraged to achieve, to believe in ourselves and be the best we can be (whilst also learning the fine line between personal ambition and human responsibility.)

If that sounds like a world you want to live in too, get in touch and let’s talk!

If you want to bring the topic of men’s wellbeing to life, either as part of an away day, or as part of a wellbeing week initiative, or as part of men’s health week (June) or International Men’s Day (November) then get in touch and let’s talk.

I’m a CPD accredited and TEDx speaker, podcaster and author, delivering entertaining, inspirational and relatable keynote talks, grounded in lived experience and global research.

Connect with me at: https://www.andrewpain.co.uk/

And/ Or let’s connect on Linkedin and DM me to book an exploratory conversation