You're not coping and your options are limited, so how do you manage burnout?

You know the basics about burnout - the signs, triggers and tips: Get 7-8 hours sleep each night, cut down on booze and UPFs, learn to prioritise, delegate more, do something for yourself every day … yawn! 😴

You already know this stuff (most of us do) but you’re still not coping and:

• Your job is your job. Long hours, not enough staff, high stakes, the usual stuff. It’s the same everywhere.
• You’re mortgaged to the hilt, so financial risk is NOT an option for the foreseeable future. You could sell up, use the equity to buy a van, live an alternative lifestyle off-grid and go travel Europe, but …
• You have other responsibilities like CHILDREN who are at school … and those 101 activities, which nurture their development and wellbeing - need to be paid for and collectively, they cost a fortune: you really are trapped.

So how do you manage the pressure, when you can’t change that much about your life?

I’ve been there, I still go back there - and in these ‘trapped’ phases of life, there are no easy answers, but I’ve found peace in a few things, one of which I’m going to unpack. It doesn’t fix everything, but it’s helped me a lot! ACCEPTANCE, but not general acceptance (which is fluffy and quite broad as a term) but specific things I choose to accept about my life, reminders etched into my mind, to help me think clearly when I’m surrounded by noise and chaos.

These specifics are well rehearsed and fundamentally true about the world (so I can’t argue with them.) They lead me to a more resourceful space when I’m mulling over my issues. I’ve shared 3 specifics below to give you an idea of what I mean - but my overall list of specifics currently comes in at over 20!

1. Social media is everyone’s best, exaggerated and fake bits

Don’t fall for it - it’s not real. It’s not an accurate portrayal of anyone’s life. Whether it’s Linkedin, Insta or Tiktok, you’ll get the version people want you to see. We all do it (including you). On Linkedin, no one has ever posted:

“I got a written warning today. It was deserved. I apologise unreservedly and promise to try harder”.

But thousands of written warnings are issued every year in UK workplaces. You never read about them on Linkedin because your Linkedin feed is full of everyone else’s promotions, awards, books, company socials you organised, presentations you gave, new jobs.

And as for platforms like Insta and Facebook, its not the holiday pics of the kids glued to their phones at the dinner table, or the constant bickering which spoilt the holiday - it’s the photo of the one and only moment when the family briefly got on - trust me, they might be in Barbados, but they’re not having fun.

So when you feel demoralised yet again by what other people are ‘apparently’ up to - remind yourself of a truth - it’s simply everyone else’s best, exaggerated and fake bits. Move on. Don’t let it bother you.

2. Everyone is winging it, so it’s ok to admit you don’t know and you’re out of your depth

As a speaker, I used to fear Q&A at the end of my talk. What if some bright spark asked me a question which I couldn’t answer? But then I realised a beautiful truth. It’s ok to respond:

“That’s a great question - I don’t know the answer, so to do it justice, rather than cobble something together now, I’ll go away and research it. Can you connect with me at the end, and we can talk more about it once I’ve looked into it?”

With all the information available at anyone’s fingertips, even if you’re an expert in your field, you can’t know everything and there will always be less qualified people than you, who know something about your field which you’re unfamiliar with.

Once you can say it out loud to a room full of 300 people: “I don’t know … ” it completely liberates you and you realise, it’s ok to be struggling, sinking, bewildered, out of your depth, winging it, needing help, learning as you go … it’s normal.

3. Life is about seasons

I long for a beautiful show-home and on the occasions when we rent a luxury cottage somewhere: that moment when you first open the door and all is perfect and minimal. It’s ideal for a Facebook photo to make everyone else wish they had your life. I long to stretch that moment in the cottage, but then the kids invade, in comes our stuff and within an hour, it looks pretty much like our house - cluttered, untidy, everything upside down.

In order for our house to be the flawlessly, tidy space I crave, I would need to be ok with my kids being on screens whenever they want, and it’s not a compromise I’m willing to make. Kids and creative play means an untidy house. So, I accept this is the season I’m in. I work to keep one room in the house tidy and minimal, and when I walk down the hall, tripping over shoes, walking on Lego, and seeing chaos everywhere, I remind myself, ‘life is about seasons’.

If you’re struggling but can’t easily change the parts of your life which cause the struggle, create your list of specific things that you accept about yourworld - specific things which are true, positive and which you can easily remember.

If you want to bring the topic of burnout to life, either as a keynote talk, or as part of an away day, or wellbeing week initiative, or even as a collaborative, mini-podcast series for your organisation, then get in touch and let’s talk.

I’m a CPD accredited and TEDx speaker, podcaster and author, delivering entertaining, inspirational and relatable keynote talks, grounded in lived experience and global research.

Connect with me at: https://www.andrewpain.co.uk/

And/ Or let’s connect on Linkedin and DM me to book an exploratory conversation

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