Know your 'WHY' - it's great advice, but what if your 'WHY' becomes a millstone round your neck?

I’m a big believer in knowing my ‘WHY’ but there are pros and cons.

THE PRO:

When I grasp the magnitude of what could be achieved, what it would truly mean and WHY I’m doing it, I might dig deeper to make it happen - so far, so good!

THE CON:

The bigger the ‘WHY’, the worse my despair when when progress is slow. I start to feel inadequate because I’m SO invested in achieving it, but achieving it feels increasingly unlikely, so progress stalls and the ‘WHY’ becomes my millstone, NOT my catalyst.

So how do you find motivation when your ‘WHY’ is a millstone and you can’t see any options?

In a recent survey of 3000 professional counsellors/therapists from the BRITISH ASSOCIATION FOR COUNSELLING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY 2/3 of those surveyed said the UK’s mental health is getting worse not better. And of course, if you ask google/Chat GPT for data around burnout or stress, you’ll be flattened by an avalanche of grim facts and figures! It’s not surprising of course, we’re under pressure, needing to do more with less, worried about out finances, our job security, political chaos, social unrest, environmental doom and gloom, all of it whilst besieged by everyone else’s best bits on social media.

• So, how can we meaningfully encourage each other within this doom and gloom?
• What lies at the heart of motivation in tough times?
• If your ‘WHY’ is a burdensome millstone, how do you keep going?

The answer to these 3 questions, is simply this:

Motivation is fuelled by:

A) Progress (NOW)

B) Belief that more progress is possible (FUTURE)

NOW: We need to see the tangible signs of progress from our efforts TODAY - not just some vague hope of progress in 6 months’ time. When people can see that they are making small bits of progress each day on something which is meaningful to them, there is natural inspiration from the reality of that momentum, even if the going is tough.

FUTURE: Encouraged by the daily progress, we also need to believe that our daily investments of energy will lead to the results in the longer term. The less we believe that our efforts will deliver the long term goal, the more likely it is we’ll get distracted, demoralised and even resentful of the ‘WHY’.

For Example:

If you’ve not heard about my newly published book, ‘Honestly, Man’, I’m not quite sure where you’ve been in the last few months, but it answers 3 key questions:

1. Are men struggling?

2. Why are men struggling?

3. How do we help?

All profits raised from book sales will be invested in charities/projects supporting men and boys - when it came to writing it, I knew my ‘WHY’!

Available in Kindle and Paperback format through most major book retailers

My WHY for ‘Honestly, Man’:

I wanted to reach men with something which was easy to read, light-hearted, but which also got to the root of why we’re struggling as men, and practically, how we can move forward. I want to create gender unity, encourage critical thinking, reduce the tragedy of suicide, and I want men to know they’re not alone in their struggles. I also want to create a better world for my sons and daughters.

These are powerful ‘WHY’s but they’re SO powerful, that in the tougher times, they were overwhelming.

In order to write the book (which is massive undertaking for a busy father of 5) and not become resentful of my WHY:

• I needed to see daily progress, however small the progress was.
• I needed to pat myself on the back each day and call out the daily progress, particularly when I was feeling disheartened by how far away I was from completing it.
• I needed to keep reminding myself that with a minimum of 30 minutes invested per day in the book project for a year, a 1st draft would be more or less completed - or at least substantially developed, even if at the moment, it seems impossible..

Without my commitment to recognise and celebrate daily progress, even with my powerful ‘WHY’, I would have given up - it was too big a project.

So, if you want to motivate yourself when times are tough, if for example, your business isn’t working, your goal to lose weight always fails, or charity is struggling to get off the ground in the way you believed it would, then remember:

1) Motivation is fuelled by the sight of progress (NOW) and the belief that more progress is possible (FUTURE).

2) Connect with your ‘WHY’ but understand there are pros and cons of doing so.

And Finally …

If you want to bring the topic of burnout to life, either as a keynote talk, or as part of an away day, or wellbeing week initiative, or even as a collaborative, mini-podcast series for your organisation, then get in touch and let’s talk.

I’m a CPD accredited and TEDx speaker, podcaster and author, delivering entertaining, inspirational and relatable keynote talks, grounded in lived experience and global research.

Connect with me at: https://www.andrewpain.co.uk/

And/ Or let’s connect on Linkedin and DM me to book an exploratory conversation

NOW available through most major book retailers, ‘Honesty, Man’. 100% of profits raised from book sales will be invested in charities supporting and boys - the book explores 3 key questions: 1) Are men struggling? 2) Why are men struggling? 3) How do we help?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Honestly-Man-masculinity-confusing-doesnt/dp/1917490445