Tough talk won't solve burnout, but C.A.R. might

• “People just need to suck it up.”
• “Years ago, we got on with it … and were better for it.”
• “We’re over-diagnosing on mental health, so of course we’re ‘feeling’ worse!

We tend to fall into camp A or B.

Camp A) Celebrates the advances made in the awareness of mental health and applauds the fact that from media to politics, we now talk more openly about mental health than before. As for the 500,000 certified mental health first aiders in the UK, the Camp A people see it as an indicator of much needed progress.

Camp B) Mental health awareness has gone too far and for all this awareness (which people in Camp A seem to celebrate) it’s also arguably true that the mental health of the UK is worse than ever. This is actually because we’re dwelling on mental health and in so doing, we’ve become a snowflake generation. We’ve lost the resilience we once had, and people in camp A are part of the problem.

I read these debates on social media and in the press. I hear them discussed and in the end, there’s no simple answer, but one thing is clear, when we talk about burnout, if your staff have journeyed along the burnout road, from early stress to chronic stress and they’re now close to the final burnout destination, the consequences of ‘tough talk’ from Camp B is this:

1. As people burn out and go off work sick, their colleagues (who have not yet arrived at burnout) will then pick up the extra work. The added burden will speed them up along the road to burnout and left unchecked, burnout really is like watching dominoes! 2) Knowing that there is a less-than-sympathetic attitude towards burnout/stress/mental health in the workplace means that recovery may be longer as burnt out people will feel edgier about returning.

• But surely burnt out people have had some time to recover, they’re ok to return and continue as normal? In fact, they’ll be more rested than anyone!

When people return from burnout, even if they’ve been off for months to recover, it’s unlikely they’ll be leaping back into work raring to go. If anything, they’ll be keen to avoid a repeat of burnout, so may do less than before. Any tough talk about ‘getting on with it’ and ‘that’s how it is’, simply builds resentment and dumps unhelpful pressure on people. This pressure increases the chances of a burnout repetition, or it leads to ‘quiet quitting’, where someone does the bare minimum: enough to keep the job, but no more.

At 52, I can honestly say that my worst periods of work performance (in terms of competence and energy) have been related to feeling fearful or bored, exhausted or frustrated/demoralised due to unfairness in the workplace. Where there has been ‘tough talk’, it’s only made me resentful and rebellious. It’s not lifted my spirits or motivated my performance.

However, my best periods of work performance have been related to feeling valued, energised, happy and safe - safe that I have my life in balance and if I’m struggling, I could easily reach out for help.

So if stress, overwhelm and burnout are real things in your organisation, ditch the tough talk, because whilst tough talk is easy (and we may privately wish people could just pull themselves together) it won’t fix the issues. What will fix burnout is C.A.R.

Compassionate Conversation:

Compassionate conversation is a two-way thing. It’s not a lecture, nor a rallying cry. It’s a gentle, patient conversation, where both people can articulate how they feel, without the fear of being penalised, belittled, patronised or ignored. It may be held in a physical location which is most likely to put people at ease, and where minds are genuinely open to what may tumble out during the conversation. We all have natural human biases, but as much as possible, we keep ourselves in check during compassionate conversations.

Action:

It’s great to talk, but ultimately what must result is ‘action’ (the theme of this years’ mental health awareness week). Now that both people have shared their thoughts during the compassionate conversation, what now?

Life today is hugely challenging - people are not snowflakes - they’re just struggling, so the rise of burnout as a modern phenomenon is not surprising.

Reframe:

• When your people are resting, it’s not ‘down-time’, it’s ‘up-time,’ so ensure they have it. Rest = recharge. It’s not lost time. It’s an investment.
• When are people are messing about, having races in the office with their office chairs on rollers, be pleased they’re having fun. The race may have ‘wasted’ 20 minutes of the working day but the longer term investment in their morale, in their feeling of belonging/happiness in the workplace is priceless and will be more than worth the 20 minutes of ‘lost’ working time. Overall, that race was a gain - and not a marginal one - a massive one!
• Silence / heads down in the office is not necessarily a sign of commitment and diligence. We all need to focus of course, but if the norm is that everyone’s heads are down, people taking lunch at their desk, people not chatting/laughing, people using their lunch breaks to be glued to their phones, and if your office generally sounds like a library most of the time, it’s time to ask questions, like: Where is the joy? Where is the fun? Where is the bonding which improves staff retention?
• Less is either more, or about the same. Most 4-day week experiments, where people work slightly less hours, but with no reduction of pay, show the same outcome: output doesn’t drop, it either stays the same or slightly goes up even though people are working less hours, which is why typically, 85%-90% of organisations who experiment with a 4-day working week (or reduced hours) stick with the new arrangements beyond the course of the experiment.

Let’s reframe some of our traditional beliefs about rest, time off and messing about (within reason) and see them for what they are - an investment in productivity.

To conclude, let’s finish with a brilliant quote from John Sidebotham, a former wellbeing lead and EDI champion at Network Rail. When I interviewed him on my Men on Show podcast, he said:

‘The thing we can do to transform the world is to educate our children to be more compassionate. If we’re able to practise more compassion in the workplace, it would be utterly transformational. When we bring empathy into the workplace and genuinely care for each other, we then talk about the bigger things that impact our wider lives and normalise conversations about our whole. Compassion creates an environment to thrive. It drives safety. It drives performance. It drives innovation, so why wouldn’t you do it?’

If you want to bring the topic of burnout to life, either as a keynote talk, or as part of an away day, or wellbeing week initiative, or even as a collaborative, mini-podcast series for your organisation, then get in touch and let’s talk.

I’m a CPD accredited and TEDx speaker, podcaster and author, delivering entertaining, inspirational and relatable keynote talks, grounded in lived experience and global research.

Connect with me at: https://www.andrewpain.co.uk/

And/ Or let’s connect on Linkedin and DM me to book an exploratory conversation

All profits from the sales of this book will be invested in charities/projects supporting men and boys. Available NOW for pre-order. Launch date is August 6th