Fatherhood: it's less about treats and gifts, more about the connection (and protecting it)

Three boys, aged 6, 9 and 12 … so our house?

• Chaos.

• Looks like a bomb has hit it. (As fast as I tidy, they add more mess)

• Never a dull moment or a quiet one. Most days, I wander around, bewildered by it all.

Like so many families, whether you’re parenting solo or as a couple, in our house, both responsible adults are also in paid employment. So, as day turns to evening, we’re exhausted and want to switch off. But here’s what I’ve learned.

The kid’s bedtime is sacred because just before sleep, when the lights start to dim, that’s when they want to talk. Maybe it’s a genuine desire or maybe it’s simply a trick to delay bedtime, but it’s when they want to talk. Sometimes, it’s surface-level stuff and sometimes it goes deeper, but it’s THE moment when they’re most likely to open-up.

When is the time your kids want to talk?

For some parents, it’s bedtime.

For others, it’s in the car on the way to football, that space where eye contact isn’t forced and the moment feels natural. Connection doesn’t have to happen as part of a gesture, a treat, or expensive outing, it can happen as part of the everyday stuff, but where and when it does happen, there’s something you must do.

PROTECT IT.

• If the connection happens in the car on the way to football, don’t let anyone else take your kid to footy and be present in those moments

• If it happens at bedtime, then avoid the temptation to rush the routine because you’re tired. Don’t make excuses and Do deliver on the opportunity.

These small, repeated moments build something far bigger: they build foundations for your child … stability, positivity and confidence.

Years later, when your child is standing on their own feet and navigating the ups and downs of intimate relationships, work pressure, cost-of-living fears, identity, failure, aspirations, adversity  — these foundations matter more than we realise. So instead of telling yourself how tired you are, ask yourself:

Where is connection already happening and how do I protect it?”

Because, frankly, you can’t create more time in the day. Time is infinite. It never speeds up or slows down. But what you can do, is, guard and build on the moments that are already there.

Tonight … when you’re tired and just want the kids to settle down, pause.

• That 5 minutes before bed.
• That drive to training.
• That ordinary moment.

It might be doing more than you think.